The Truth Behind The NTA's (National Television Awards)

I'm sure you wouldn't be able to tell from watching the NTA's last night on TV that many actors, myself included, absolutely loathe the 'red carpet'.  The anxiety of what to wear is, on the surface, absolutely absurd when we are living in such unsettling political times, but is it difficult not to get sucked up into this madness when it is your job.  Which is worse: being ignored on the red carpet and passed over for the likes of the latest TOWIE stars, or being photographed and your every style decision being critiqued by TV gurus who are paid to be concerned with the fashion faux pas of the modern world?

This year I tried to make believe I was in my very own film star bubble.  It was the only way I could get through it.  I am an actress, I am not comfortable being myself at high profile events.  I 'acted' my way down the red carpet, carefully hopping into the space Alesha Dixon left behind, hoping that I could bask in the wake of her celebrity and just for a few moments feel I had 'got it right', whatever that is.  The fact that we had waited in the freezing cold for a good half hour just to launch ourselves onto the 'red carpet' was enough to buoy me up to do 'this thing'.  I was not going to be overlooked this time!  A friend had, the day before, berated me with, 'Don't you dare scuttle past the red carpet, you've got to sell yourself, promote yourself.'  We seem to live in a world of self promotion don't we?  Twitter, and Face book, are all ways of advertising our gifts, our opinions, our worth.  I guess I too am guilty of it with this blog, although I would argue that my motivation goes deeper and is more about my desire to share my knowledge and help people find alternative solutions to coping with the stresses of life. 

I have the self believe that people will want to read my columns and will get something out of them.  I don't know where this comes from as I'm not a naturally confident person but somewhere inside of me is this steel which allows me to go forward courageously.  I had difficulty in even getting a response from the magazines I approached so I decided to start a blog as a way of self publishing.  It's all a testament to the fact that, if we want to achieve something in this life, we have to push and push and sometimes find alternative ways of doing this thing.  'No'  does not necessarily mean NO, it might mean 'not right now' or 'not on my watch', so go find another route!   I suppose in my business we have to play the game to a degree; it  seems to be all about the superficial.  The gossip magazines want to know where so and so got their dress from, who has lost weight, who has gained it and who is sleeping with whom.  Perhaps I too am guilty of the superficial.  On the surface I can look like a calm, self assured actress with a posh frock and good make up (thank you Scott Beswick), 'posing' and saying all the right things, but underneath that, I am nervous and feel out of place.  Moreover, I know inside what is important to me; genuine  friends, family, love, loyalty, respect and no award, no photograph, no seal of approval from the 'celebrity police' will change what I know to be true.

Before the magic

After the magic (but I'm still the same person inside)